Brother-in-law avoids family for 10 years after they "borrow" his expensive equipment: '[He's] putting money in the way of a family relationship'

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Mar 15, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

People have a funny way of excusing their bad behavior: just blame it on someone else! 

It can be really difficult to set boundaries with your family members. You might want to ask you parents to stop bugging you to do chores every time you see them. But they might take it the wrong way, or they might disagree and turn it on you. It's complex, and the dynamics vary from family to family. 

This person is trying to figure out why their brother-in-law is avoiding their family, but they have everything wrong. They claim that their dad and brother "borrowed" some equipment from the BIL about a decade ago. But they're really stretching the definition of the word borrow. Dad and bro not only "borrowed" a skid loader, but they wrecked it, and spent all the insurance money on themselves. How can they even write the post without realizing how badly the family has treated the BIL? You can read it for yourself down below, as well as the quick update they gave to people's questions. 

Next, read about the crazy office worker who has been CC'ing their CEO on emails every time a coworker doesn't reply in a timely manner: 'You [are] being high maintenance.'

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10480352768
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    My BIL (married to my sister) is a general contractor. About 10 years ago, my dad and brother was building a deck at my parent's home. They asked my BIL if they could borrow his skid loader but he said no. They prepared the ground as best they could without the skid loader but got to the point they couldn't go on without it. They went to my sis's house to ask again but found out BIL went out of town. They talked my sis into letting them borrow it so she took them down to his construction lot and
    via u/WallabyOverall3366
  • 03
    This next part I'm not sure of since I don't know much about towing but from what I was told, dad's truck wasn't big enough or powerful enough to tow the skid loader on the dump trailer so he lost control and wrecked. The truck, trailer, and skid loader was totaled. The insurance was barely enough to cover the medical costs and the truck. There was none left over to cover BIL's stuff. When he got back to town, he exploded. He threaten to sue and things just went downhill from there. My parents a
    via u/WallabyOverall3366
  • 04
    However, from that day on he wouldn't have anything to do with our family. He doesn't come for birthdays, holidays, nothing at all. Next month is our parent's 50th anniversary and we're planning a big family gathering to celebrate. We're also chipping in to send our parents on a cruise to Mexico because they've never been out of the country. I spoke to sis about it the other day and she said she's coming with the kids but BIL is not coming. I was fine with that but when we were discussing their
    via u/WallabyOverall3366
  • 05
    Sis called me a few minutes ago and said they're not coming and that I was out of line. We argued for a bit and that's where it stands. I don't think I'm wrong for telling him to let go of the past but they're not coming to the anniversary party so now I'm not sure.
    via u/WallabyOverall3366
  • 06

    When commenters began blaming and criticizing them, they added on a quick Q&A

    Answers to your questions: Let's get something straight. My dad and brother are not bad people. They are good people who made a mistake. They couldn't pay back BIL because he wanted almost $70,000 and again, we're not rich. Dad had to buy another truck because he needed it to go to work.
    via u/WallabyOverall3366
  • 07
    On the other hand, BIL had 3 other sets of skid loaders and dump trailers on his lot that day so he could take the financial hit while my parents would be homeless. BIL and sis are way better off then the rest of us so while I understand your reasoning of paying BIL back, he doesn't need it.
    via u/WallabyOverall3366
  • 08
    The cruise to Mexico isn't some millionaire trip. The total cost is about $3,000 and it'll take over 20 people to pay for that. Again, we're not rich. We can barely cover $3,000 spread out over 20 people so there's no way we can pay $70,000.
    via u/WallabyOverall3366
  • 09

    This person set them straight:

    Sad Researcher_781 YTA. Your family stole $50k+ in work equipment from your BIL. They didn't pay him back, by the sounds of it, showed zero remorse, and he should just "get over it"? You and your family sound massively entitled, your BIL is smart to cut the lot of you clean off.
    via u/Sad Researcher_781

    The BIL has learned that he's not cared about enough to be respected. Distancing himself from the family was a smart move: he can find friends or other family members who actually respect him and his property. 

  • 10
    NYX_T_RYX Not just that, I'm actually surprised insurance paid out anything. In the UK this would be an at fault claim, and more likely than not outside the scope of insurance because they were towing beyond their vehicle limit. Parents should be grateful all he's done is ignore them - I would've sued. Courts (again in the UK) set up payment plans, so their relative lack of wealth wouldn't be a major issue. Beyond that, I would've also reported it stolen. To be fair about this though, the sister
    via u/NYX_T_RYX
  • 11
    kreeves9 The biggest surprise here is that he stayed married to OP's sister. YTA
    via u/kreeves9
  • 12
    Greedy_Information96 Not just that, but they nicely washed their hands off their own misdeed and haven't bothered paying a single cent back in 10 years. I understand they are poor, but that doesn't diminish a sense of responsibility. Instead of pitching in for a cruise, they should all be pitching in to pay the BIL back and try to fix the relationship that they broke
    via u/Greedy_Information96
  • 13
    thenexttimebandit OP only cares now because they're trying to get money out of BIL. OP you your family are AH. YTA
    via u/thenexttimebandit
  • 14
    Business_Remote 9440 In my experience, when people tell you to "get over it" that's a pretty good indicator that they were in the wrong, but don't think there should be any consequences and are angry that you actually want to hold them accountable. OP and the rest of her family are definitely AHs.
    via u/Business_Remote9440
  • 15
    skillent Yep exactly. Replacing the equipment comes first. Then forgiveness. Op, I guess you're an AH for not getting that, but the major AH:s are your dad and brother for apparently not spending some time these ten years paying back the man for what they broke.
    via u/skillent
  • 16
    Corgi-Ambitious I can't get over how OP and the rest of the family, over 10 years, never once considered they should try to pay the BIL back. That's an insanely expensive 'mistake' and I'd do everything to correct it, not ever say "it's been X amount of time just get over it." Such a sad situation for that BIL.
    via u/Corgi-Ambitious
  • 17
    IDDQD_IDKFA-com YTA. Your family stole $50k+ in work equipment from your BIL. They didn't pay him back, by the sounds of it, showed zero remorse, 100 This, but it seem worse. They talked my sis into letting them borrow it so she took them down to his construction lot and they hooked it up to dad's truck Sounds like he ran a construction company, so they may have also coated he more in missed/delayed jobs till be could get replacements.
    via u/IDDQD_IDKFA-com
  • 18

    Commenters didn't hold back

    TRDarkDragonite Seriously I can't believe they decided to go on a cruise without paying BIL some money back. I would feel extremely guilty for such a huge f■tup. I would make sure to pay back at least half of the expenses before I start spending money on fun time. YTA OP
    via u/TRDarkDragonite

    This person and their family wronged the BIL so many times. He doesn't owe them a thing, and he's probably right to keep his distance. 

  • 19
    curiousguacamole6 50k??? omg i thought BIL was being petty but jesus that is a lot of money
    via u/curiousguacamole6
  • 20
    Cheezburger Image 10480353280
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 21
    L1mpD Seems like they're more upset about him not chipping in for the trip than not coming to the party
    via u/L1mpD
  • 22
    _higglety $50k might be a conservative estimate, too! depending on the model, where I am a skid loader can go for 40k itself. I haven't shopped for dump trailers lately, but a qui k google search in my area puts them at generally 5-7k, some up to 10-15k. Then you have to factor in the disruption to businesss since they were work vehicles (jfc). Jobs taking extra time, jobs turned down, etc. They REALLY fu him over. If he had to borrow money to buy them in the first place, he might STILL be payin
    via u/_higglety
  • 23
    PeggyHW YTA. So are your parents. They shouldn't have stolen his property (and yes, it was theft). They should have made him whole before replacing their own property. They should have apologised. They should have given him the money back at some point over the last 10 years. (Would have considered es h if your parents had made any effort to take responsibility.)
    via u/PeggyHW
  • 24
    Dajukz It's pretty straightforward, I already knew in kindergarten not to break someone else's stuff, and a skidloader is probably a very integral part of his bil's job 1nd costs like 100k. Most businesses go down if they lose 100k all at once...
    via u/Dajukz
  • 25
    selinalunamoon Absolutely! The first repayment should have been to the BIL for his damaged property which they were told they could not borrow! YTA YTA YTA I absolutely would not get over this either until I had been repaid.
    via u/selinalunamoon
  • 26
    lyan-cat Yup; ten years is plenty of time to try to make it right. Now they expect him to just forget about it and help pay for their vacation? Awful folks.
    via u/lyan-cat

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aita brother construction dad family contractor brother in law Party 50th anniversary
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